So i’ve recently started dating seriously again, and i feel like i’ve put my heart through the wringer.
Not that I wasn’t dating before. But it was really easy to put up a wall. Because I was moving cities every couple of months. But more realistically, because I didn’t have the emotional bandwidth to handle being hurt.
I’m not sure why finding someone has become so important to me lately though. I guess I don’t really have anything better to worry about. Or in the list of casual life milestones, I feel like this is the next one I’m meant to “conquer”. (which is kind of the way my parents talk about it literally all the time) And it really doesn’t help that it feels like half my friends are getting married even though we’re only 24.
I do feel like I’m in a healthier place and that this is a good thing. For one, I’m less inclined to play around with other people because I know that I can’t literally just leave the country.
But I feel so vulnerable. It’s hard to care.
Most recently, I met someone that I fell unexpectedly hard for. And then I learned that they weren’t looking for the same things that I was. And now, everything just feels
a little bit really fucking terrible. Because before that, I had honestly resigned myself to settling. Because who really finds their perfect person. But now…I have standards.
I think what scares me the most is now I have to plunge back into the world of dating. and tbh…mine through a lot of trash. and i still might end up right back here. And here just doesn’t feel very good right now.