So it’s finally over…and I didn’t win. Like yeah, I’m a little sad because I worked really hard and invested a lot of energy into this. But so did everyone else. I’m glad its over. I’m glad that I put in the effort and got to a place that I’m proud of. That I recovered from the debacle that was one first two years at college. That I competed gracefully and didn’t let this consume my life the way it has in the past.
Because now I enjoy it.
I’ve also found myself surrounded by love and support over the past few weeks. Just when I thought I had lost hope in people. I guess when I think back, this competition has brought me a lot of good. Sure, its brought me stress and taken up a lot of time. But I learned to believe in myself again. I got my passion back. And I’ve learned a lot about losing.
In the end, growth can come from the unexpected I guess.
If we didn’t have memories, it would be so much easier to let go, to live in the moment, to move on with life. But memories are there for a reason. They shape the person that we become. Unfortunately, life is a cycle of ups and downs. You can’t have sunshine without a little rain.
Memories make it hard to be satisfied with yourself. They remind you of that time you were happy. They make you look backwards when you’ve been struggling to move forward, filling your mind with what ifs and dreams of something that could have been. You struggle to recreate rather than innovate.
I’m done looking back. I’m done mourning the past and living in discontent. I’ve learned that I’m never going to see the light if I’m hiding in the dark. Even though sometimes the darkness feels safer. There, disappointment is expected, nothing can hurt more than it already does. The light is a much scarier place, but its rewards are so much greater.
Lately, I have been starting to venture out into the light. And sometimes I’ve been burned by it. I’ve still had days that I wanted to spend crying under my covers and days that I just wanted to give up. But I’ve also been happier than I have been in a while. And every time I feel the urge to crawl back into the dark, I remind myself that there are other options.
I have to mention that this hasn’t been a solo journey. I have to thank those that have stuck with me, held my hand, inspired me with their own resilience, helped me to find the light. Thank you.